Weather Warning

With the power of Facebook many of its contributors have informed the Cheltenham Hurrah that it is snowing outside (we appreciate this because our office has windows that are known to lie).

The Cheltenham Hurrah has forecast that this present winter weather will last until Spring or until another blast of snow of which will mean that spring has been suspended.

Icy stretches will continue to be likely on untreated roads, pavements and cycle paths during the rest of Saturday onwards into Sunday. Therefore, it is advisable to hit the shops as soon as possible to buy crap that you could actually live without for 24 hours.

The Cheltenham Hurrah also advises its readers to phone into work stating that you cannot get out of your driveway then take the family out for the day on a five mile trip to go ‘sledging’.

Local news agencies are also looking for people to fill their news slots highlighting people that have never experienced snow before and so have decided to sit in their cars and moan that they have moved half a mile in 15 hours. The viewers love that kind of shit because it has been at least twelve months since the last bunch of Muppets did the same.

The government has recently sent out alerts stating that ‘we are all in it together’ unless you are elderly or homeless. In which case the cold will kill them off anyway.

In addition, further weather is expected over the weekend which may affect commuters early next week.

Driving conditions (or the condition of drivers) is set to become difficult as many people who have taken advantage of the unexpected long weekend will undoubtedly be pissed and will try and venture home before it becomes more difficult to think of a valid excuse. As a result there is an increased chance of injuries from (supposed) slips and falls on icy surfaces.

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