Fortune Telling Insurance Companies

The Cheltenham Hurrah are pleased to announce that we are the first news organisation to discover that insurance companies are now recruiting witches, wizards and fortune tellers.

Image result for fortune tellers
Some wizard wannbe trying to predict next weeks lottery numbers.

Injured drivers have no idea of their injuries

There has recently been a high level of accidents within the Cheltenham area of which the victims had no idea of having. But with this new concept of recruiting certain specialist the insurance companies can now tell the driver’s that they have had an accident before they have even realised.

One step ahead for our customers

Peter Expensive-Excess from the Cheltenham Guild of Insurers was delighted to introduce this concept to his Cheltenham customers. “We have found” Peter said, “that when we carry out our cold calling operations about 99.9% of our customers have no idea that they have been in an accident [the other 0.1% didn’t speak English] and this is a real cause for concern as many customers are therefore showing signs of concussion and poor memory following the accident. This is an excellent service we now offer for no extra cost”.

Image result for car crash
A bit of T-Cut could sort that out

It’s all about the money compensation

These ‘magical folk’ have the ability to communicate with the said victims of an accident before the victim even has any recollection of having one. The system now, therefore, offers the crash victim an opportunity to gain financial recompense that may otherwise have been forgotten.

Unknown terrible head injury

Michael Mirrorstand (32) from Staverton, informed The Cheltenham Hurrah that he was ‘over the moon’ with this level of service. Michael stated that the insurance company were adamant that he had been involved in an accident. “The accident must have been really bad and I must have suffered concussion due to a terrible head injury. I just cannot recall crashing into anything” he said. “I cannot recall being cut out of the car that is now fixed, or being rushed to an unknown hospital in an unknown ambulance”.

It’s a miracle – the car didn’t even have a scratch

Mary Letterbox (40) from Churchdown was even more impressed. She was quick to tell the story that following her phone call from the mystery insurance man she instantly ran out to check her car for any damage following the un-remembered accident. “Wow, just wow” she exclaimed. “The insurance company must have got the car fixed for me before I had any recollection of the accident they kindly informed me that I had had – that I didn’t know about”.

Hospital Services stretched

cheltenham A&E
Cheltenham A & E taken during the daylight hours

There has been a marked increase in recent hospital admissions for people who are now claiming to have had an accident that they have no recollection of. Dr Teethgrinder from Cheltenham A&E informed the Cheltenham Hurrah that there has been a marked rise in patients claiming to be suffering with memory loss and concussion following an unknown car accident.

Recruitment drive

Image result for famous spiritualists
Always able to recall someone who died from death – Derek Acorah.

Due to the success of these cold callers ability to recall the forgotten accidents many celebrity wizards are sending in their CVs to various Cheltenham Insurance companies. Applications from Mystic Meg, Derek Acorah and Harry Potter have been submitted.

 

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