Lucky girls of Cheltenham
An unsuspecting local man has recently been identified as England’s greatest latherio.
Dwaine Net-Curtain (38) was surprised to win the award this morning at a ceremony in the town hall. This prestigious award means that Mr Net-Curtain will be the face single men up and down the country resulting in lucrative sponsorships with dating agencies and so on.
Anyone could be a local heart throb
David Fondant-Filling (44) representing lonely heart clubs up and down the country spoke to The Cheltenham Hurrah of the importance of such an award. Mr Fondant-Finger stated; “This award indicated that anyone could be considered as a local heart throb”. He further said that “although Dwaine has never had a proper girlfriend it goes to show that everyone has potential to find a mate”.
Dwaine who still lives with his parents in Leckhampton told The Cheltenham Hurrah that he was delight to have won this award. “It’s all come as a bit of a surprise to be honest with you” he said.
Dwaine told The Cheltenham Hurrah of his recent struggle to find his ‘one’. “I’ve joined dating websites and experienced speed dating venues but I’m left bereft at not getting anywhere”.
So what is his new found success based on?
The Cheltenham Hurrah wanted to discover how Dwaine went from Zero to Hero so quickly.
Dwaine was somewhat philosophical about this question and paused for a moment before divulging his secret.
“Well it was all so strange” Dwaine said. “As I mentioned earlier I had tried all of the usual routes to find my match but became disillusioned. So I took it upon myself to write my own ad in the local paper”.
When pressed about the details of his advert he reached inside his pocket to show us the said newspaper clipping.
Advert in lonely hearts column
The advert read, quite simply as;
Well within days he had received literally hundreds of letters from local people.
“The strange thing was” Dwaine said “although they came from different locations across the Gloucestershire county, they all said the same”.
When pressed to divulge the content of these letters Dwaine simply answered; “each and every letter said ‘you can have mine.’