EU, No Thank You

Cheltenham residents have been reported to be up in arms following the revelation that Brexit will have an impact upon the availability of produce.


Michael Macaroon (32) from Ham in Charlton Kings, initially raised his concerns with the Cheltenham Hurrah. Michael stated that the availability of pitted olives may be reduced or even impossible to get hold of once the UK leaves the EU.


cheese slices
Plastic Cheese

Michael’s wife Mary (31), was also keen to highlight the potential problems of getting brie. “I mean” she said “if we cannot get hold of this cheesy delight, the children will have to have dairylea cheese slices between their olive infused bread”. At this point Michael informed her of the potential difficulty of getting olives let alone olive infused bread.

Poor Mary is now seeking medical treatment and counselling following this end of the world revelation.

Is Scotland a part of Europe?

Susan Thicklip from Princess Elizabeth Way gave a different view to the whole Brexit concerns. ”Me and my mate Shaz”, she said “don’t think this is a problem, I mean” she further stated, “Farmfoods will still be selling faggots and they are exotic, aren’t they from Scotland or something or something?”

Nice with chips not French Fries

Of course emergency meetings have been held in the town hall after reports of local discontentment had been raised.

“We will fight this injustice” shouted Elizabeth Jaffa-Cakes representing local off licences and public houses. “The good people of Cheltenham will never give up fighting for their right to continental wines and spirits. The EU can take our Bollinger but they will never take our Blue nun”. Our reporter was struggling to see the value of her argument on this one and left her to smoke her roll ups.


german shephard
German dogs will need to speak English if they wish to stay

Further reports have suggested that German Shepard’s will only be able to remain in the UK if they show signs of speaking the English language. “It is high time” said Tony Brownstain from Hatherley, “these dogs have come over here pissing up English trees and not putting anything back into society, they have taken the piss for too long, I’m all in favour of this Twix-it or brexshit or whatever its called”.





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