Nuclear Devastation Reported

Kim Jong Um

Kim Jong Um is reported to be celebrating a great nuclear success. This fashion setter has been testing a range of rockets, to the dismay of his international neighbours, for several months now. His taunting of the west has set international relations into hyperdrive with threats of retaliations and military reprisals being made on a daily basis.

Kim Jong Un
Kim Jong Um – Just look at that ‘lady killer’ hair do.

However, news reports have come in that a rocket has hit an unsuspecting target. Although one of his rockets which was fired at 05:30 GMT was off target by several hundred miles it has wrecked devastation that has never been witness like anything before. Building have been utterly destroyed, cars upturned and left as burning wrecks and hordes of zombie like refugees have been seen roaming around looking for shelter.

President Trump

President Trump has been reported to be angry by the latest events and threatened to ‘wreak revenge like never seen before’. Of course, it is usually necessary to seek a UN resolution to carry out such attacks but due to the urgency of the situation this may not be necessary under the present circumstances.

president trump
President Trump – Just look at that ‘lady killer’ hair do.

Urgent supplies and provisions.

Red Cross reports have stated that they urgently need warm clothing, food and water supplies and tents to establish temporary accommodation for the survivors. As we are reporting the latest news The Cheltenham Hurray have been informed that medical supplies are in transit with hordes of medically qualified volunteers en-route also.

Tony Bandage from St John’s Ambulance Service based at Staverton in Cheltenham, stated that his volunteers have been “highly trained to deal with such emergencies, my staff can apply plasters, point at victims and when necessary use a phone to call for back up”.

st johns
St John’s ready with wet-wipes and plasters

Staff at the 111 call centre have been called in to readily dispatch ambulances before the call taker has even finished taking the full details over the phone.

monkey on a phone
111 call takers taking details.

The reality

However, Chris Packet head of emergency services in the county of Gloucestershire stated once he had visited the affected area that “Matson has always been like this, and therefore, requests that all actions and services be stood down”.

Theresa May
Theresa May – with her ‘man-killer’ hair do.

Of course, Kim Jong Um is a little bit pissed off as he thought that his rockets have created some form of havoc, and President Trump wanted an excuse to ‘kick off’. Prime-minister May is still not sure what day of the week it is.

 

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