The local vice squad were called out to Warden Hill Road this afternoon following a series of calls from local residents.
At about 10am this morning neighbours overheard a conversation by a Mrs Crinklecut (86), followed by loud banging.
Neighbours were reported to have heard Mrs Crinklecut ask a young man how much he would charge to “put a length up my back passage”?
“Well” said Martin Partin (35) from the local resident’s association. “We don’t want that kind of thing around here, we have young children and a number of local schools in the vicinity”.
Propositioning local young men
“Utter filth” exclaimed Mrs Nothingbetter-todo (54) of Warden Hill Road. “Just because Mrs Crinklecut has lived here since the houses were built doesn’t mean she owns the road”. Furthermore, Mrs Nothingbetter-todo stated “she can’t go around propositioning our young men just like that and expect to get away with it. It’s just not on”.
The next-door neighbours of Mrs Crinklecut decided enough was enough when they started to hear banging coming from the old lady’s house. “We had no choice” said the unnamed neighbour, “we had to call the police”. “It reminded me of hearing my parents at it, it made me feel sick” stated another neighbour.
Inspector Pointless from Cheltenham police station was quick to respond and rapidly despatched the local vice squad to the Warden Hill Address. He stated that his officers have had “a number of years of dealing with sexy things going on in unsuspecting decent neighbourhoods”.
Poor young man
Inspector Pointless stated that “on arrival we found a poor young man all hot and sweaty with an elderly lady standing over the poor gentleman.”
According to statements given to the police it transpired that Mrs Crinklecut was after a quote for laying a length of carpet down her back passage which led to her garden.
‘It was lovely’ she stated
“Well” said Mrs Crincklecut, “I was delighted when the young man said he would do it for £150”. It’s a lovely length [of carpet] and stops me bringing in the mud from the garden when I let Tiddles (the cat) out at night.
Good value for money
Following these revelations nobody from the residents association or the police were available for further comment. However, Mrs Crinklecut was delighted with her long length up her back passage. “It was a bargain too” she stated.