These Farmer Types Are not Farmers – Shocker

Farmers unions have raised a concern about the rise in numbers of people pretending to be farmers in and around the town of Cheltenham.

It has been noted by our fashion guru, Gwok Raahn, that there is a rise in horsey type clothing and stuff, when people don’t ride horses through the town anymore.

In fact, the last documented horse drawn carriage was used in 1926. This was when a farmer from Tewkesbury got lost on the ring road, whilst trying to head to the now long gone ‘Top hats R Us’, in Evesham Road.

“There appears to be a move away from the standard brogue or the stylish Oxford type shoes these days”, stated Gwok. “My real concern is that a lot of these ‘farmer types’ are actually office workers”.

Shoes
A Nice pair of brogues.

Mr Shufflesqueeze, 40, of an undisclosed high street fashion shop on the high street, took this one stage further. Mr Shufflesqueeze raised the prospect of an increase in the taste for horsey shite smelling aftershaves and perfumes. “This is a real concern for a lot of managers in Cheltenham”, he said. “People will be wasting valuable time checking their shoes to see if they have shit on them instead of spending time looking at my shops wears and other goods”.

This was further compounded by the Cheltenham Chamber of Commerce. Mrs Itchycrack who heads the ‘department of made up statistics’ stated that with these wasted periods of time checking that the smell of shit isn’t them, could put a massive pressure on local industry. According to her figures, 10,000 hours of time could be wasted annually on such activities. “Well” she said “if we allow this kind of fashion chaos to continue businesses with just go bust, and where will this leave us, I ask you”?

“Wellies have never been more fashionable”, stated the the head of TK Maxx in Regent Arcade. “As soon as we put a pair on the shelf they are snapped up, usually by someone wearing tweed, although I know they live in a flat on the Bath Road, which is nowhere near a farm or anything like that”.

 

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